Magic Toilet

I experienced my first magic toilet in 2004.  We had just renovated the bathroom in our Seattle house and our new toilet was sparkling, especially when compared to the old, gross toilet.  Amazingly, the toilet stayed sparkling for at least a year before I began noticing a slight ring around the waterline.  It would only appear occasionally and never stay around for long so I wasn't terribly concerned by it.

One day, however, I did mention to Mike, probably about two years after the renovation, that I thought our toilet's self-cleaning mechanism might need a new piece soon.  Perhaps there was a rubber something that was worn or perhaps a pad that might require replacement every few years?  Mike just stared at me in silence.  I don't remember exactly what happened next, probably because it was traumatizing, but it had something to do with Mike laying down a hard truth.

According to Mike, he had been cleaning the toilet this whole time.  That one time I saw him actively cleaning the toilet?  That was him actually cleaning the toilet.  I had thought he was just helping the self-cleaning mechanism along because it needed a piece.  Instead, Mike was the piece.  Mike was the magic toilet.  I was devastated.

With this bit of hard truth my reality suddenly shifted.  Not only did I no longer have a magic toilet but now I had a husband cleaning the toilet this whole time without any gratitude or assistance on my part whatsoever.  I suddenly realized that I was a horrible person and, perhaps, somewhat mentally retarded.  My world crumbled.

To protect myself from spiralling into a mass of self-pity I decided not to believe Mike.  I may have even told him I didn't believe him or perhaps I just kept this to myself but, regardless, years later and I still half believe that we had a magic toilet.  Moreover, I'm pretty sure we have one here in Dundee, too.