Traits To Keep

Upon moving to Seattle in 1999 we almost immediately missed the largeness of everything in Salt Lake - large parking spaces, large Targets, wide freeways - but, as time passed and we became educated in energy consumption and urban sprawl, we realised this was something we no longer desired.  Now, after nearly 13 years of absence, there is not much of Salt Lake culture which we still miss, though it is still home to our favourite takeaways.  Every time we return, our meals consist almost exclusively of Sconecutters, Crown Burger, and Apollo Burger.  Sweet Jesus, we miss those places.

By the time we left Seattle in 2010, I was fed up with the passive aggressive residents and forced winter hibernation and was hard-pressed to say anything positive about my 11 years spent there.  But, after our short time in self-imposed exile in Scotland, I have come to view Seattle in a whole new light and miss our former home immensely (especially Shiku, Joey’s, and Noc Noc).

Still, food cravings aside, most of what we miss can be generally classified as American traits.  For instance, courtesy abounds in the States but is almost entirely lacking in the UK.  The phrase ‘excuse me’ is not used here, nor understood; if needing to be somewhere someone else is, one must wait until they move or pretend they’re not there.  Pushing is not acceptable but nudging or brushing is, holding the door for someone is for suckers, and moving out of someone’s way is unacknowledged because no one asked you to because they don’t do that here.

Especially given my past rants regarding poor customer service (here and here), who knew I could function some place where customer service, poor or otherwise, is almost completely absent?  One can usually rely on decent customer service in the States but here it is not expected and rarely received but often complained about.  The favourite retort to the common complaints regarding customer service here is ‘well, this isn’t the States’.  Apparently, even Britons acknowledge the customer service found in the States is superior.

A favourite phrase here is ‘I can’t be arsed’ meaning one cannot be bothered.  It is often used and a generally accepted excuse for poor performance.  For example, if one is expecting a latte but the barista ‘can’t be arsed’ to steam the milk, one is expected to accept an americano instead.  A real example was a conversation I had last summer in London, in response to a comment I made to someone about moisturising after showering, ‘you moisturise after every shower?  I just can’t be arsed.’  This appears to be the general disposition of most Britons.  We miss being surrounded by people who can be arsed.

As our time abroad continues, we hope to identify traits we’d like to keep, those we'd like to adopt, and some we'd like to shed.  And, as my perspective is not entirely unidirectional, there are definitely aspects of British culture which are superior and which we hope to adopt as well as American traits which we’d enjoy shedding.  I look forward to writing about those traits in the future but today I can’t be arsed.

Council Tax

I got my council tax bill yesterday; £800 for the year (including student discount).  Council tax is one of these cultural differences that I'm having a really hard time with.  For those uninitiated, council tax is a local government charge on all domestic properties. In my head, I've equated council tax with property tax in the States; "it helps to fund local services such as schools, libraries, and refuse collection".  But, the issue I'm having a hard time accepting/understanding is the fact that, as a renter, I'm responsible for any tax at all that is associated with the property.

According to a friend (who owns her flat), everyone pays council tax.  Rather than it being strictly the responsibility of the property owner, renters pay the council tax associated with the flat they're occupying whilst the property owner pays the council tax for wherever they might be living (if in the UK).  If the property is unoccupied, the cost reverts to the property owner but at a 50% discount.  Other discounts can apply, including for single occupants and students.

The mental hurdle I'm encountering is the fact that I'm a renter and, as such, I believe I shouldn't have to pay taxes for a property I don't own.  If I was renting in Seattle, the city would bill me for my personal garbage collection and utilities (including sewage, electricity, and water) but I would not have to pay any tax associated with the property I was occupying or for city maintenance (one of the perks of renting).

An equally maddening issue is what this city does with these funds.  Some of the more egregious offences, as I see them, are as follows:

1. The city owns the waste management services; rather than contracting to a private company, the city owns the trucks and machinery and all waste management staff are city employees. 
2. There is a 'leisure centre' with a swimming pool and water slides (the Brits love their water parks) though the University of Dundee is less than a mile away with a pool of its own (though no slides).  Why are there two pools within a mile of each other, both of which I have to pay to use (if I wanted to, which I don't), and at least one of which I'm paying for with my council taxes?
3. I've just visited the Leisure website for Dundee and am even further offended by Dundee Ice Arena, Indoor Sports Centres, and Lochee Swim Centre (another one?).  Why are my tax dollars paying for an ice arena or indoor sports centre (or additional pool)?

Perhaps if I had purchased property in Dundee these expenses would be reasonable; as a property owner, I would want to invest in my neighbourhood to assist the appreciation of my personal property.  But, as both a renter and a foreigner, I'm having a hard time coming to terms with this concept of forcing the transient populations to invest in a city of which they have no vested interest.  Am I wrong?

As an aside, I had wondered if perhaps this method of collecting taxes was an incentive to purchase property (if the owner isn't responsible for the taxes, perhaps it becomes more financially feasible for some to purchase income properties) but, after speaking with my friend, she doesn't believe that's the case.  In fact, there doesn't appear to be any incentive for home ownership here (i.e. no tax breaks).  Apparently, the only incentive for home ownership is the investment, or perceived investment.  My friend answered, "if you're renting, you're throwing your money away".  Of course, the same argument can be said for home ownership, especially in this housing climate and especially if you don't get an annual tax break.

Living For Today

I recently read this book synopsis about the wisdom of the elderly.  Though I probably won't read the book, the article in itself is good and really resonated with me, especially the two points about Careers and Regrets.

Similar to the article's author, we lost Mike's sister suddenly in 1999 when she was just 20 years old.  Among other life lessons from that tragedy was the realisation that retirement is not a certainty and one is not guaranteed tomorrow.  Years after the accident, and without knowing why, our dreams began to diverge from the well-worn path that we were on - house, career, retirement - and we started wanting something different; we began living our lives for today.  Only now, 12 years later, can we look back and identify the source of that diversion, and of our enlightenment.

This article has helped remind us of why we're here in Dundee and will help to keep us focused as the years progress.  We're here, not for a temporary life change, for a complete life renovation.

Our life was never going to be "house, career, retirement" but because of Angie's death we came to that realisation much earlier than we would have naturally.  Although we would rather have her alive and well, we're glad we can point to something positive coming from such a horrible tragedy.

Back Home

We are just now back from 25 days in Rome and, shockingly, glad to be home.  Although we love our long holidays, it is nice to come back home because the sooner we're home the sooner Mike's done with school and the sooner we can move on with our lives.

Much like our last winter holiday, we spent our time exploring our new city through the eyes of a possible new resident rather than a tourist.  Since we're doubtful we'll ever return to the States and know that we won't continue living in the UK for much beyond Mike's graduation, we're always keeping an eye out for our next address and approach these trips as though they are house hunting excursions.  Unfortunately, after our month in Rome, we doubt we'll be calling that city, or anywhere in Italy, home.

Our time in Rome was nice but we wouldn't choose to live there and Italy as a whole does not appear to support the type of lifestyle we're looking for.  Rome definitely had the community feel we like - our neighbourhood was very welcoming and friendly - but the city wasn't big enough and the cheap eats were not varied or plentiful.  The Italians appeared laid back and friendly but they also appeared inconsiderate and, especially after speaking with another American ex-pat in Ostia, the infrastructure and bureaucracy appear logic defying.

We're taking Italy off the list of possible future homes but keeping it on the list of places to visit because it is lovely and we'd love to see more of it.  In all our future Italian travels, though, we wouldn't be shocked if we never returned to Rome.  I think we've given that city enough of our attention.

Happy New Year!

This year has been a good one for our little family.  We're now fully ensconced in Mike's second year (of three) at university and our second year (of many) abroad.  We're ending 2011 in good health and in Rome.  So, yes, final judgement on 2011 was that it was a good year.

Travel: We started 2011 in Paris and are ending it in Rome.  We were also able to visit England, Spain, Sweden, and Germany, in addition to continued explorations of Scotland.  As far as travel, we did really well this year.  We'll be starting 2012 in Rome with no solid plans for additional travel beyond our June trip to Baltimore for a friend's wedding.  We hope to get to the Iberian Peninsula in April and check off our first eastern European city some time in 2012 but, since Mike's final year will be a doozy (he'll have a dissertation due in January 2013 plus his Degree Show in May 2013, which will technically be his first gallery show, or at least simulate it), beginning mid-2012, our focus becomes entirely about Mike's graduation in May 2013 and travel becomes a distant second priority.

Funds: We're still living tight but we're better off than we were last year at this time.  Hopefully the trend continues and next year at this time will be better than today.

Flat: Our new place in Dundee is TONS better than our horrible student flat at Tay Mills from last year.  That place was miserable and didn't contribute to a positive initial experience.  Now, with a better flat, we're able to get comfortable and feel more at home.  We'll probably be keeping our current flat for the duration of our stay in Dundee, allowing us some continuity in an otherwise temporary existence.

We're looking forward to what 2012 has to offer us.  We hope to continue to enjoy good health and good times and we wish the same for you.  Auguri a tutti!

November

Not much to report for the month of November.  Stateside, our Seattle house should close early next week.  We had to short sell, which wasn't ideal but, with our reduced circumstances, necessary.  Although we'll miss our first house, we're actually thrilled to be rid of it.  We're still going through a period of shedding adult responsibilities and living simply with the goal of no monthly payments and no financial responsibilities.  Of course, we still have council tax, rent, mobiles, and internet, and probably always will, but nothing we can't just walk away from.  We have a bit more Stateside debt to shed before we're where we want to be but soon we'll begin to resemble the financially carefree souls we were in our youth (but, hopefully, a bit wiser).

On this side of the pond, November proved to be relatively quiet.  We didn't do anything for bonfire night (Guy Fawkes Night, 5 Nov) nor the Christmas lighting celebration in the city centre this past Friday.  We did, however, venture out for the NEoN Digital Arts Festival where we enjoyed a PechaKucha night and I got to volunteer as a photographer at the debating event.  We also headed out to explore Blair Atholl and Glen Tilt for our November ramble.

As we were reminded recently, last week was Thanksgiving back in the States.  We haven't started celebrating American holidays over here yet and, consequently, it almost completely went unnoticed.  Celebrating American holidays abroad is perhaps something people do when they have children or a larger ex-pat community or perhaps if they're longing for 'home' but, since we're none of the above, we haven't yet felt the need to export any of those celebrations or traditions.  Besides, Thanksgiving is kind of a bullshit holiday.

Forgetting the bullshit origin stories about the harvest or pilgrims and indians and just looking at what Thanksgiving has become, I get that it provides a chance to give thanks and blah blah blah but doesn't the existence of a day to give thanks allow for the option to not give thanks the rest of the year?  Shouldn't one always be giving thanks?  Like the signs I see on public transportation labelling a few seats as priority for the disabled or pregnant; shouldn't all seats be priority seats?  Shouldn't everyone be empowered to offer their seat to anyone who might need it?  The existence of those signs seemingly absolves those sitting elsewhere of the moral obligation to offer their seat when necessary.  I reject the idea that being nice requires a sign or a holiday.  Just be nice.

If you did celebrate Thanksgiving, however, we hope you had a happy one.  And, if you didn't, we hope you enjoyed your Thursday.

Where's The Heat?

I had expected heat this summer.  I know, I know, London is not known for being hot but, in the years prior to moving here, I swear I remember reading articles about London's heat. Heat related articles usually include the number of heat related deaths (sample headlines include: '18-year-old among dead as heat wave continues', 'Mercury tops 50C, 22 die as US swelters under heatwave') and over the years I've begun using these morbid statistics as a barometer for a good summer, at least weather-wise.  I promise, London has had heat related deaths before, and I'm not crazy for expecting heat, but this year there hasn't been one heat related death that I'm aware of.  Come on!

May was beautiful and really set my expectations for the summer.  Unfortunately, since late May we've been stuck in rain and cold reminiscent of a Seattle spring.  This is unacceptable.  I demand heat and sun!  I have just over a month left before we move back north and if I don't get enough heat to last me another 9 months in Scotland I may start cutting myself.

I Was (Pooh) Framed

I’m not sure if this is the proper forum but, after some thought, I figured this was a cautionary tale and, though very awkward for me, should be shared with others.  Please note, I am very fragile with this subject; I have delicate sensibilities and would prefer never to speak of bodily functions.  Promptly upon posting, I will purge this event from my memory and continue as though it never happened.

My office building has poor plumbing.  There are two stalls in the ladies room; the one on the right being far superior than the one on the left thus, the stall on the right is the favourite.  Unfortunately, the stall on the right is not always available.  This is the situation I found myself in early last week.

As I approach the stall on the left I see paper remaining in the bowl.  Though not a subscriber to the ‘if it’s yellow let it mellow’ mantra, but having lived in a society where it is popular (Seattle), I’m not a stranger to using a toilet with paper remaining in the bowl (though I do throw up a bit in my mouth and am not completely comfortable with the idea; delicate sensibilities).  Upon flushing the toilet though, I immediately notice that the paper was not alone in the bowl.  To my horror, I had just used a ‘still in use’ toilet and I had just been pooh framed.

Of course, due to the inadequate plumbing, my flush doesn’t clear the bowl and now I’m a prisoner in a stall with someone else’s feces.  As my body begins to convulse with uncontrollable dry heaves, I become increasingly angry at my predicament.  I'm at work folks, not camping, not at a service station on the freeway, not in a mall.  One expects a bit of civility while at work.  Clearly, the nefarious cow that left me to clean up her disgusting mess is unaware of this distinction as well as under the misapprehension that she is either 1) a child or 2) The Queen.  

The lesson here is simple, if you're going to drop the kids off at the pool while at work you damn well better stay to make sure they're taken care of.  If you don't have the time then don't do the crime and definitely don't hide your shame, disguising your evil as an eco-friendly gesture.

For those wondering how the story ends, I spend very little time in public restrooms and even less when I know I'm not alone.  A 'still in use' toilet qualifies as 'not alone' so I quickly left the vicinity.  I was angry, disgusted, and traumatized when I left but I was kind enough not to stage the toilet like my predecessor.  The next user will have used the stall knowing its current state or, if someone like me, would not have used it at all.

Trooping the Colour

I had a wonderful time at Trooping the Colour this afternoon.  I love pomp and circumstance and royalty and the Queen's birthday parade didn't disappoint.

I wasn't fully prepared for the event, however; I was just out for an early afternoon stroll, having just dropped Mike off at work.  I had thought I'd missed most of the pageantry, but when I found a gathering crowd I stopped to catch what I could and wound up catching the procession to Buckingham Palace.

It was fun to see the Royal Family in person, never mind how briefly, and, after the very short parade, to walk through the streets of London and really soak up my surroundings.  I'm truly enjoying living in London and, despite most Londoners being maddeningly passive aggressive and bizarrely refusing to standardize pedestrian traffic flow, it's days like this which remind me of that fact.

An Open Letter To Perfume Wearers

Perfume should be like lingerie or a secret tattoo, only noticed by those becoming intimate with you.  Never should someone walk into a room and be able to smell you nor know you're approaching by odour alone.

Perfume is not a room spray and your endeavour should not be to change the scent of your surroundings.  Similarly, perfume is not a deodorant and does not hide body odour nor cigarette smoke, no matter how much you apply.  If you smell that bad you should bathe and if you're concerned about smelling like a smoker you should quit.

Please stop polluting the air with your chosen odour and learn how to apply your bottled scent correctly; moderation is the key.

P.S. This information also applies to cologne wearers.

Travel Writer?

A few weeks ago I decided to take my first steps toward writing professionally.  I was exploring one of my favourite travel sites, Bootsnall, when I saw their link to 'write for us'.  I read through the information and instructions and decided to submit a pitch.  I really didn't expect to hear back from them, their site basically says that if you don't hear back within 3 weeks you probably won't, but I wound up hearing back within only a couple days.  To my amazement, rather than just an outright decline they were giving me an opportunity to expand on my pitch by submitting a partial draft.

It took me almost two weeks to write my partial draft but I submitted it today and have just heard back.  Although it was a rejection, the feedback was positive; they said the writing was good but it wasn't a fit for a 'feature' though they would be 'happy' to publish it as a guest post, including a short bio along with a link to my blog.

For my first foray into professional writing, I think it's a pretty good start.  I plan to finish the piece and submit it as a guest post.  I've got a few other ideas that I may pitch to them as well and will shop around for other sites also looking for travel articles.  I'm pretty excited about this new direction for myself and really looking forward to exploring it further.

Games

I hate games.  I'm super competitive and I wind up getting really upset, even when I'm winning.  I don't enjoy playing and usually the unfortunate souls playing with me wind up not enjoying the experience either, although sometimes the sadists find enjoyment in how irrationally upset I become.

Lately, however, I've been in a game playing mood.  Mike introduced me to Bubble Buster a few weeks ago, which started it all, and now I'm also playing WordUp and Minesweeper.  I've been keeping it relatively safe, mostly playing solo on my HTC Wildfire while Mike plays separately on his, but last night we wound up playing a two person version of WordUp and, surprisingly, not only did we have a great time but I didn't lose my cool or anything.  This morning, perhaps chancing my new found calm, we started playing Scrabble online.

The last time I played Scrabble was with my friend Jason this past summer.  Unbeknown to me at the time, Jason possesses super Scrabble powers and was well over 200 points really early in the game whilst I sat in the low two digits.  I think he wound up using all his tiles and getting over 100 points on one word when I decided to concede.  Surprisingly, although Jason was annihilating me, I actually enjoyed playing with him.  He taught me how Scrabble should be played and it was a lot of fun, even though I was losing by 250+ points.

I exposed Mike to some of what I learned from watching Jason's mad skills in action and now we're in the midst of an all day Scrabble tournament, feeling like pros.  Not only are we having a great time but my dreaded game hating alter ego has not yet emerged which makes me wonder if I've shaken the beast after all these years.  Perhaps this means I'm ready to start playing games with others without threatening bodily harm?  One step at a time.

Making The Most Of Our Time Abroad

I recently read this article about making the most of one's time abroad and I wanted to share it here since it mirrors my experience thus far on this adventure and also provides me with ideas to combat my latest bout of homesickness.

Much like the author of the article, Mike & I plan on living in many different countries over the next two decades and I'll need to get better at this transition period if I'm to make the most of my time abroad.  Hopefully the tips in this article will help me towards that endeavour.

Meet Your Neighbours - Something we'll definitely need to become better at is putting ourselves out there. We're solitary people whom enjoy each other's company and the company of close friends but we don't enjoy the process of making new close friends.  We're so solitary we can't even bring ourselves to meet our current neighbours.  Beyond awkward corridor greetings we don't really know anything about them and we probably won't make the effort prior to our move in May.  I'm resolving, though, to make an effort first thing upon our return to Dundee in September.  I may even make an effort when we move to London in May.  Maybe.

Establish A Routine, But Don't Get Stuck In A Rut - Our current routine could be described as a rut; work/school, home, laptops, bed.  It's hard to develop a routine when skint but pints at the pub are cheap and we really have no excuse for not going out at least once a week.  We'll definitely look into this.

Walk, Walk, Walk - We walk a lot.

Break Bad Habits, And Make New Ones - We broke the television habit.  I don't think we've picked up any new bad habits yet.  This will also require looking into.  A lot of people smoke here but I don't think that's an option for us.  Perhaps we need to jump on this curry bandwagon.

When In Rome... - I doubt we'll be heading to the clubs or casinos any time soon, and definitely not staying out until dawn if we ever do, but maybe heading out to a football match soon would be a good idea.

Mikey Is My Star

I'm not sure when my parents bought a colour TV for mine and my sister's bedroom, to replace the black & white one we'd had since I was in kindergarten, but I was the only kid I knew that had one.  Years later I was still using it and when Mike & I started dating I got a hold of a label maker and put 'Mikey is my star' on the top of it.

When Mikey & I moved to Seattle from Salt Lake we brought that TV with us.  I can't remember if we ever used it in Seattle, having received an upgrade from Mike's parents as our wedding gift, but I remember finding it in the basement of our Seattle home this past summer.  It was a joy to see it again but we couldn't keep it.  Sadly, that TV from my childhood was part of the Purge of 2010.

Since we've been living without one for the past nine months my dependence on TV has diminished significantly.  But, sometimes I do miss it terribly and when that happens I remember that small colour TV from my childhood and feel sad.

If you ever find a TV labelled 'Mikey is my star', probably in a thrift store or charity shop in the states, please let me know.  I probably won't buy it back but I would like to see it again.

Unemployment Ponderings

In 2007, I took a one month sabbatical between jobs.  I celebrated that sabbatical as though it was a well-deserved break; dining out with friends, drinking all day long, mid-day movies.  My current state of unemployment, however, does not feel like a well-deserved break.  On the contrary, it has me seriously re-thinking my short-term plans.

Dundee has a dearth of employment opportunities and my original plan, to rely on temp agencies for employment between holidays, is not working out.  Temp agencies are just not performing the same role here as they did in Seattle which means I'm going to have to figure something else out if this adventure is going to succeed.

Magic Toilet

I experienced my first magic toilet in 2004.  We had just renovated the bathroom in our Seattle house and our new toilet was sparkling, especially when compared to the old, gross toilet.  Amazingly, the toilet stayed sparkling for at least a year before I began noticing a slight ring around the waterline.  It would only appear occasionally and never stay around for long so I wasn't terribly concerned by it.

One day, however, I did mention to Mike, probably about two years after the renovation, that I thought our toilet's self-cleaning mechanism might need a new piece soon.  Perhaps there was a rubber something that was worn or perhaps a pad that might require replacement every few years?  Mike just stared at me in silence.  I don't remember exactly what happened next, probably because it was traumatizing, but it had something to do with Mike laying down a hard truth.

According to Mike, he had been cleaning the toilet this whole time.  That one time I saw him actively cleaning the toilet?  That was him actually cleaning the toilet.  I had thought he was just helping the self-cleaning mechanism along because it needed a piece.  Instead, Mike was the piece.  Mike was the magic toilet.  I was devastated.

With this bit of hard truth my reality suddenly shifted.  Not only did I no longer have a magic toilet but now I had a husband cleaning the toilet this whole time without any gratitude or assistance on my part whatsoever.  I suddenly realized that I was a horrible person and, perhaps, somewhat mentally retarded.  My world crumbled.

To protect myself from spiralling into a mass of self-pity I decided not to believe Mike.  I may have even told him I didn't believe him or perhaps I just kept this to myself but, regardless, years later and I still half believe that we had a magic toilet.  Moreover, I'm pretty sure we have one here in Dundee, too.

I Wish I Was That Cool

The other day I saw this tweet from @jimicrayon: 'To the man who got on the bus dressed as a wizard who had removed the chip from his oyster card and put it in a magic wand. I salute you.'

Two reasons why I love this statement and can't stop thinking about it:

1) the usage of 'I salute you' as a compliment.  I must use this more.  I laughed so hard I couldn't speak.

2) some dude dressed as a wizard touches his wand to the Oyster Card machine and is magically allowed access.  This would've been incredible to see in real life.  Who is that cool?  Who not only thinks of this amazing idea but also executes it with such style?

I wish I was that cool.

Words

I'm enjoying a few new words lately.

Knackered - tired

Skip - large rubbish bin or dumpster

Brilliant - lovely or great

Veg - vegetable(s)

Almost Back To Normal

Okay, I'm almost back to normal.  I'm quickly realizing that I have nothing to complain about.  Yes, my job sucks but I'm leaving in just over a month for 25 days in Paris and a new job (hopefully) when I return.  Additionally, let's not forget that I also have a proper office job where I enjoy working, although I'm only there about five hours per week.

But, more importantly, my depression and homesickness is not really about my job.  It's really more about my old one, which was more than just a job but something I truly enjoyed and was good at and something I miss, plus just general mourning, which goes along with any life change, and maybe a bit of bipolar disorder (self-diagnosed), the days are getting darker, colder, and shorter.

To help combat these challenges I've started attending Pilates classes on Monday evenings and I'll look into fencing classes when we return from Paris.  Speaking of Paris, we've also added Dublin, Italy, and London to our calendar, all trips that would take us years to accomplish if we still lived in the States.

Living in Scotland, although not as exciting as I had envisioned, is still amazing and enlightening.  It's too soon to say if I've learned anything or changed as a person but I have great expectations for my personal growth throughout this journey.  Hopefully this initial downturn is just growing pains and I'll come through it stronger and wiser, ready for the next challenge this adventure throws at me.

Struggles

I've been having a few struggles since moving to Scotland that are mine to suffer alone since Mike entered a community of like-minded people as soon as he started school.  Usually my days are good, bantering with strangers and enjoying my new city, but sometimes I'll have a bad day, where all the difficult things about moving away from everything I knew hits me all at once and beats me down.  Today was a bad day.

People think I'm stupid.  For the first time in a long time, I'm having to deal with people assuming I'm an idiot and constantly talking down to me.

My job is ridiculous.  I know my identity is not tied to my job.  I've always said I work to live not live to work.  But, I've always said that whilst immersed in a fun, high-paying office gig where little to no physical effort was ever exerted.  Now that I have a bullshit retail job - on my feet all day, lifting boxes, slamming my fingers between metal cages - I'm having a hard time believing everything I used to espouse.  Am I really not better than this?  My job is only temporary, and super bullshit, and it doesn't matter that I work there...and yet I'm depressed about it.  I have good days when it's fun but on the bad days, when everyone thinks I'm stupid or I screw something simple up, I'm back to feeling sorry for myself.

I miss routine.  Moving to Scotland was and is an adventure.  The next 5-7 years of my life will be an adventure.  But, I miss the daily routine of my past life; knowing what tomorrow will bring.  There's a certain comfort that routine affords and a certain discomfort associated with adventure.  Right now I'm wading in the sea of adventure and I'm up to my elbows in discomfort.

I know these are all temporary issues and as time passes I will become more comfortable with my new and exciting life.  But, today was hard and has me longing for the comforts of home.  Tomorrow I will be happy to wake up in Scotland.  But, today I miss Seattle and my former life there.