Struggles

I've been having a few struggles since moving to Scotland that are mine to suffer alone since Mike entered a community of like-minded people as soon as he started school.  Usually my days are good, bantering with strangers and enjoying my new city, but sometimes I'll have a bad day, where all the difficult things about moving away from everything I knew hits me all at once and beats me down.  Today was a bad day.

People think I'm stupid.  For the first time in a long time, I'm having to deal with people assuming I'm an idiot and constantly talking down to me.

My job is ridiculous.  I know my identity is not tied to my job.  I've always said I work to live not live to work.  But, I've always said that whilst immersed in a fun, high-paying office gig where little to no physical effort was ever exerted.  Now that I have a bullshit retail job - on my feet all day, lifting boxes, slamming my fingers between metal cages - I'm having a hard time believing everything I used to espouse.  Am I really not better than this?  My job is only temporary, and super bullshit, and it doesn't matter that I work there...and yet I'm depressed about it.  I have good days when it's fun but on the bad days, when everyone thinks I'm stupid or I screw something simple up, I'm back to feeling sorry for myself.

I miss routine.  Moving to Scotland was and is an adventure.  The next 5-7 years of my life will be an adventure.  But, I miss the daily routine of my past life; knowing what tomorrow will bring.  There's a certain comfort that routine affords and a certain discomfort associated with adventure.  Right now I'm wading in the sea of adventure and I'm up to my elbows in discomfort.

I know these are all temporary issues and as time passes I will become more comfortable with my new and exciting life.  But, today was hard and has me longing for the comforts of home.  Tomorrow I will be happy to wake up in Scotland.  But, today I miss Seattle and my former life there.